NBA: Sterling To Be Executed August 5th

Two awful, vile people who we must now spend endless hours studying.

Two awful, vile people who we must now spend endless hours studying.

Not sure, but I think this must be the long-suffering Mrs. Sterling.

Not sure, but I think this must be the long-suffering Mrs. Sterling.

Commissioner Adam Silver today announced that LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling would be summarily executed by firing squad, August 5th, on Alcatraz Island.

The Commissioner went on to say that, despite appearances, the incident was not  “Merely the ramblings of a sordid, repulsive old fool and his equally sordid, slutty & devious girlfriend”.  “No, in truth, this rises to the level of Hitler’s Auschwitz, the Ku Klux Klan’s campaign of lynching, and other really, really bad stuff”, said the Commissioner.

In a related development, a spokesman for the players announced, “Execution’s not good enough”, and that, as additional punishment of Sterling, the multi-millionaire Clippers team members would refuse to accept their paychecks for one year.

11 thoughts on “NBA: Sterling To Be Executed August 5th

  1. You are spot on in your assessment of what is happening to Sterling. He has not only been lynched, crowds will joyously gather when he is tarred and feathered on the village green.

    I want the slutty playtoy arrested for setting Sterling up, then selling his comments to TMZ. He’s stupid for unwisely letting his d**k do the talking to that thing he called his girlfriend and thinking she had any interest in him other than getting some fame. Doink!!

    • anon:
      Your assessment is “harsh but fair”. What is perhaps most irritating about this latest episode of American self-flagellation is our eagerness to place so much importance on the words of a philandering swine, caught giving instructions to his prostitute about who she should and should not be seen in public with. Yuck!

  2. Actually, I am calling for Sterling to be crucified. Seriously, the last major crucifixion was +/- 2000 years ago, and the guy who got it then was also a Jew, so we’re way way long overdue. It could be really GREAT. Geraldo Rivera could be the lead talking head and interview Sterling as he’s being nailed to the cross. Maybe we could get LucasArts to do the fx work to make it super dramatic, otherwise James Cameron might be a good fall back. C’mon! We can do this!!!!!

    /sarc off

    • Jesus was, judging by all representations I’ve seen, considerably more attractive and thusly would garner more sympathy than this clown would. We are in a world where appearances are everything. Sadly.

      • Well, Jesus never did survive to get as fat as Sterling is, so who’s to say what he might have looked like at Sterling’s age now? Besides, you might like to pay attention to your own words by all representations I’ve seen. Could it be that they’ve all been idealized images of a handsome man painted to appeal to the masses?

  3. I finally heard Mark Cuban, clown owner of the Dallas Mavericks, who made his fortune taking his POS internet company public during the bubble, say something intelligent. He said something to the effect that, taking away someone’s property just because they say something irresponsible and reprehensible, leads you down a slippery slope. Sadly, this is the America we have today and will probably have more of in the future. Of course the Sterling episode is bread and circus for the masses to distract them from price inflation that slaps you in the face every time you go to the grocery store or put gas in your car.

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