Friday, July 15, 2016. Washington, D.C. In anticipation of at least ten more major Islamic terrorist attacks during his remaining time in office, President Obama today took the unusual step of pre-recording condolences speeches for each attack.
Mimicking the methods of television game shows, which record multiple episodes in a single day, the President wore different outfits for each speech, and limited his remarks to his usual platitudes about “bringing these perpetrators to justice”, “our hearts go out to the (future) victims”, and everyone’s favorite., “This has nothing to do with Islam”.
After the speeches, the President briefly spoke with reporters, taking issue with the website “TheReligionOfPeace.com” and its posting of the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of horrific Islamist attacks world-wide (http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/terror-2016.htm).
“The notion that listing all the attacks carried out so far this year, the number of victims, and the way they were murdered, does anyone any good is just wrong. All it does is attempt to distract us from the real threats we face, like climate change and police misconduct”., the President said.