NBA: Sterling To Be Executed August 5th

Two awful, vile people who we must now spend endless hours studying.

Two awful, vile people who we must now spend endless hours studying.

Not sure, but I think this must be the long-suffering Mrs. Sterling.

Not sure, but I think this must be the long-suffering Mrs. Sterling.

Commissioner Adam Silver today announced that LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling would be summarily executed by firing squad, August 5th, on Alcatraz Island.

The Commissioner went on to say that, despite appearances, the incident was not  “Merely the ramblings of a sordid, repulsive old fool and his equally sordid, slutty & devious girlfriend”.  “No, in truth, this rises to the level of Hitler’s Auschwitz, the Ku Klux Klan’s campaign of lynching, and other really, really bad stuff”, said the Commissioner.

In a related development, a spokesman for the players announced, “Execution’s not good enough”, and that, as additional punishment of Sterling, the multi-millionaire Clippers team members would refuse to accept their paychecks for one year.