“Drought restrictions eased”, might make a nice little headline in the local papers, but don’t hold your breath.
If a tax is raised in the forest, and there’s no one there to pay it, has it really been raised?
As Secretary Clinton rides off into the sunset (likely in someone’s Gulfstream G650) this is the philosophical question we ask ourselves: What becomes of all the planned tax raises? Here’s a partial list, prepared by Americans For Tax Reform, of tax raises we now won’t be experiencing:
Capital Gains Tax Increase —
Clinton proposed an increase in the capital gains tax to counter the “tyranny of today’s earnings report.” Her plan called for a byzantine capital gains tax regime with six rates.
Tax on Stock Trading — Clinton proposed a new tax on stock trading.
“Exit Tax”– Rather than reduce the extremely high, uncompetitive corporate tax rate, Clinton [had] proposed a series of measures aimed at inversions including an “exit tax” on income earned overseas.
Raise The Death Tax — Hillary proposed a 50%, 55%, and 65% tax rate, lowering the taxable threshold back to $3,500,000 because we all know that after paying taxes your whole life, you miraculously manage to sock away 3 1/2 million, you sir are fabulously wealthy and need to give the rest of it back!
Such a shame to miss these, but don’t worry, in four years, Uncle Bernie will be back to propose the exact same thing all over again!
And finally, this Instagram clip from funny white guy, Elliot Tebele, aka “fuckjerry”…
Or was it the crystal meth? Or fake oxycodone? Whatever the specific cause, this tragedy is hard to look at: a once vibrant, healthy male model named Deshun Wang, from China, is only 29 years-old, but looks MUCH older!
Thankfully, various fashion venues remain open to him because of his previous successes, but clearly the end is near. Let this be a warning kids, take care of yourself!
Let’s be serious a moment…
Should a sane, rational, non-narcissistic, functioning adult actually give a crap about his birthday, past the age of 10? Okay, 16’s a big deal, and maybe 18. 21, I guess so. But have you ever heard someone exclaim, “Gee gosh, I’m 24 years old, I’ve made it!” Of course not. And by the time you get to 39 (my odometer stuck at that number), my goodness, who cares!
That being said, some of you* clearly forgot that February 15th is my big day. Is it too late to send presents? No. Is there a price limit? No. Suggestions? Well, I’ve had my eye on a certain Omega watch, but short of that, think cigars, chocolate, whiskey, and coffee, real easy.
* As in, all of you.
In an amazing display of journalistic dexterity, the New York Times has finally broken the news to its (dwindling number of) readers that there’s this crazy Fountain guy who pokes fun at crooked hedge-fund boys, suspicious real estate developers, and other miscreants attracted to our fair town. Here’s the link, and prepare to be shocked.
(Word has it, the Times is working on a story about a new phenomenon called “social media”. The article will feature an in-depth look at something called “FaceBook”, and its creator, Mark Zukerberg. Way to go, Times! Cutting-edge stuff!)
It’s all about how you pronounce the letter “N” at the end of a word. Stupid people will invariably pronounce the word “button” as though it were spelled buh-EN. They do this because someone forgot to explain the process of forming what linguists call the implosive n.
Here’s a short video to help you understand this serious problem:
Realtor Robert Lindsay, of Passaic County, New Jersey, is being sued by a client for supposedly “deliberately over-pricing the home in order to keep it available for trysts” with fellow broker, Jeannemarie Phelan.
Utter bull*&#@, of course, the real reason this bone-head is being sued is because the house isn’t selling and the owners, now armed with video evidence of him boinking ol’ Jeannemarie in their living room, can extract $50,000 or so from Coldwell Banker.
The lesson for Mr. Lindsay, Bill Clinton, and others: Always assume the presence of surveillance cameras.
(Here’s a nice little story about “Bob” Lindsay, in happier times)
Be sure to skip the opening ad and then watch this short, very funny video,
(This sort of sarcasm must drive screen writers crazy)