After U.S. commandos launched a devastating raid on an ISIS base in Syria, ISIS immediately filed a formal complaint against the United States military at United Nations headquarters in New York City. Charging the U.S. with using “unfair tactics” and fighting techniques that “violate Genoeva Convention standards for interacting with Islamic terrorists”, spokesman Muhamad Ali Ali Oxenfree called for severe sanctions against the U.S. and its allies.
“These [U.S. commandos] did not have their hands tied, nor were they defenseless children”, Oxenfree wrote in the formal complaint. “We are in no way prepared to fight such savages!”
“Raping children, cutting off heads of civilians whose hands are tightly tied behind their backs, this sort of thing, the brave warriors of ISIS can handle. But these cowardly Americans sent grown men, with guns and fighting skills, so of course our fighters could do nothing but immediately die for Allah”.
“We call on the United Nations to send us protection from further attacks. We also demand that any future U.S. attack forces be made up of soldiers no older than six years of age, just to make it fair for us!”